This is a post that I didn’t ever expect to end up writing but here we are. Today I found out that I’ve had a miscarriage and I’m heartbroken.

Let’s go back to the very beginning for a bit though.

Since I was very young, I’ve had super weird periods. My cycle was never regular and I could go a whole year without a period. You probably think that’s amazing because yay, no period but it’s not so great when you’ve always known that you wanted to be a mother.

At around age 14, I spoke to someone with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) And they told me that I had a lot of symptoms of that too. Symptoms included irregular periods, thinning hair but hair growth in other places and weight gain.

I headed to the doctors about getting a diagnoses and eventually, three years later, I was diagnosed with PCOS. The doctors were very difficult about diagnosing me. They didn’t run tests and to be honest, they hardly knew anything about the illness.

Once I had my diagnoses, the only treatment that they could offer me for it was the pill. I took that treatment option and went on about my life.

It helped regulate my periods but then came another problem; I became pregnant. The person who I was with at the time, didn’t want me to become pregnant. He accused me of not taking the pill properly and got rather angry.

He decided that the best thing for me to do was get an abortion. A few days later, I woke up in extreme pain and ended up in an ambulance heading to the hospital. It was an ectopic pregnancy. That sort of terminated itself much to the relief of my boyfriend of the time. I on the other hand, wasn’t so happy.

Fast forward about one or two years, I met Simon (my current partner). This is probably not something that you’d expect me to talk about but we started having unprotected sex very early on in the relationship. I was no longer on the pill but I guessed that I wouldn’t get pregnant again due to not treating my PCOS. I was naive.

After around five years of unprotected sexual intercourse, I seemed to be getting regular periods again. At this point I knew that I was ready for a baby. Simon wasn’t 100% sure as he was waiting for the perfect time. I think he knew though that there would never be a perfect time.

Around six weeks ago, I became pregnant.

We only decided to do a test as I was spotting and getting weird cramps but we didn’t do the test until I was 5 weeks pregnant.

Simon rushed me to the hospital as soon as we found out due to the pain I was getting. They confirmed how many weeks pregnant I was and they booked me in for an ultrasound the next day.

The ultrasound confirmed that there was a pregnancy sack and that I was five weeks pregnant. They decided to book me in for a follow up ultrasound for the following week so we could see the baby’s heartbeat.

I left on a high. I couldn’t have been more excited if I tried. Simon was nervous as heck but I was too busy being hyped to be nervous at all.

After the week had been and gone, we headed back to hospital. Over the week, I had had a lot of heavy bleeding and pain so I wasn’t expecting good news.

We headed to the early pregnancy ward who sent us down for an ultrasound. That confirmed the worst. I had miscarried.

They went over my miscarriage plan with me and sent me home. I didn’t need any treatment which is a positive but I was no happy at all.

I am meant to do a pregnancy test in two weeks to confirm that the pregnancy has cleared from my body. Once it has and I’ve had a period, I am able to try again.

I am hoping that the doctors will put me on metformin which is a medication which can help people with PCOS get pregnant.

I am hopeful for the future but heartbroken at the same time.