This is a post that I didn’t ever expect to end up writing but here we are. Today I found out that I’ve had a miscarriage and I’m heartbroken.

Let’s go back to the very beginning for a bit though.

Since I was very young, I’ve had super weird periods. My cycle was never regular and I could go a whole year without a period. You probably think that’s amazing because yay, no period but it’s not so great when you’ve always known that you wanted to be a mother.

At around age 14, I spoke to someone with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) And they told me that I had a lot of symptoms of that too. Symptoms included irregular periods, thinning hair but hair growth in other places and weight gain.

I headed to the doctors about getting a diagnoses and eventually, three years later, I was diagnosed with PCOS. The doctors were very difficult about diagnosing me. They didn’t run tests and to be honest, they hardly knew anything about the illness.

Once I had my diagnoses, the only treatment that they could offer me for it was the pill. I took that treatment option and went on about my life.

It helped regulate my periods but then came another problem; I became pregnant. The person who I was with at the time, didn’t want me to become pregnant. He accused me of not taking the pill properly and got rather angry.

He decided that the best thing for me to do was get an abortion. A few days later, I woke up in extreme pain and ended up in an ambulance heading to the hospital. It was an ectopic pregnancy. That sort of terminated itself much to the relief of my boyfriend of the time. I on the other hand, wasn’t so happy.

Fast forward about one or two years, I met Simon (my current partner). This is probably not something that you’d expect me to talk about but we started having unprotected sex very early on in the relationship. I was no longer on the pill but I guessed that I wouldn’t get pregnant again due to not treating my PCOS. I was naive.

After around five years of unprotected sexual intercourse, I seemed to be getting regular periods again. At this point I knew that I was ready for a baby. Simon wasn’t 100% sure as he was waiting for the perfect time. I think he knew though that there would never be a perfect time.

Around six weeks ago, I became pregnant.

We only decided to do a test as I was spotting and getting weird cramps but we didn’t do the test until I was 5 weeks pregnant.

Simon rushed me to the hospital as soon as we found out due to the pain I was getting. They confirmed how many weeks pregnant I was and they booked me in for an ultrasound the next day.

The ultrasound confirmed that there was a pregnancy sack and that I was five weeks pregnant. They decided to book me in for a follow up ultrasound for the following week so we could see the baby’s heartbeat.

I left on a high. I couldn’t have been more excited if I tried. Simon was nervous as heck but I was too busy being hyped to be nervous at all.

After the week had been and gone, we headed back to hospital. Over the week, I had had a lot of heavy bleeding and pain so I wasn’t expecting good news.

We headed to the early pregnancy ward who sent us down for an ultrasound. That confirmed the worst. I had miscarried.

They went over my miscarriage plan with me and sent me home. I didn’t need any treatment which is a positive but I was no happy at all.

I am meant to do a pregnancy test in two weeks to confirm that the pregnancy has cleared from my body. Once it has and I’ve had a period, I am able to try again.

I am hoping that the doctors will put me on metformin which is a medication which can help people with PCOS get pregnant.

I am hopeful for the future but heartbroken at the same time.

15 responses to “Miscarriage”

  1. Hayley C Avatar
    Hayley C

    I just want to say that you are so brave for sharing such a deeply personal experience especially while it is still so raw.

    I too have suffered two losses; one at 5 weeks and a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks. Even though it’s so common, nothing can prepare you for that wave of grief.

    I am so deeply sorry for your loss and hope that you are both blessed with your rainbow soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rose Avatar

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I belong to a support group for non-traditional Moms TTC. Fertility is one subject that has a huge impact on us, but we rarely discuss it. I was completely unprepared for all of it. On tv & in books, it is so easy. Real life for me is emotional, expensive and full of self doubt.

    I’m here if you ever want to talk or cry or laugh instead of cry.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jenni Avatar

    Sending you all love, support, and prayers!


  4. buckeyesandbroomsticks Avatar

    Hugs, my heart goes out to you.


  5. ShawnaB Avatar

    I am so sorry for your loss! Sending thoughts and love to you and your partner!


  6. 🌸 AlishaValerie. (@AlishaValerie) Avatar

    I’m so sorry that you and your partner have had to go through this heartbreaking time in your lives. If you ever need someone to talk to day or night darling just let me know? I’m keeping you both in my thoughts and sending you so much love and best wishes! 💜

    With love, Alisha Valerie x |


  7. relaxlavender Avatar

    So so sorry to hear. You are so brave for sharing. Look after yourself and take care xx


  8. […] you know from my last post, I’m going through a bit of a bad time. But do you know what always helped my bad mood; […]


  9. C.C.Hawkins Avatar

    Thank you for sharing your story. I honor your words, experience, and heart. I have had my first miscarriage (first pregnancy) on June 6. I understand the despair and the weight of grief. It is real. I am sending you love and support over the interwebs. You are not alone.


  10. MichelleDiane. Avatar

    I went through the same experience, I couldn’t have felt your pain more. 😦 sending you hugs!


  11. KidLit Underground Avatar

    I am so sorry for your loss; and thank you for your bravery in sharing a painful and personal experience. In the US, we’re ridiculously hush-hush and it isn’t right.

    From one Cyster to another I’m concerned metformin, clomid, and forgetting the name of the drug but it keeps first trimester hormones balanced. You deserve those and I credit them with the two beautiful babies I did end up having. 💖


    1. KidLit Underground Avatar

      Ugh, that should say I’m concerned those options weren’t offered to you.


  12. Matt Boga Avatar

    I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It’s a terrible pain (physical and emotional) that I wish upon no one. My wife and I suffered a miscarriage last year. I documented how we got through it here:

    I hope our process will help you both as you as you make your way through the pain.


  13. notaturergem Avatar

    I am so sorry for your loss. 😦 Many prayers for a successful next try.


  14. Thehendzels Avatar

    I am so sorry for your loss – and now reminding you of it (since this post was several months ago). Metformin has a side effect of pregnancy (I have several friends – and myself that can vouch for this). Also, once you get pregnant I hope your doctor will recommend that you stay on Metformin until after the second trimester. My fertility doctor had me stay on Metformin into my second trimester, as he said that the drug helps to avoid miscarriages. All the best to you in this adventure!


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